The Decade in Review part 7

originally posted 11 April 2010 @ 04:24 pm
Although things were going well with Laura, my artistic life was starting to decline
Sombra and I were working on the concept that would eventually become PyroPlasticFlow
Since I was working at Brook Mays, I was making enough money to buy equipment at a huge discount
PA speakers, digital 8 track recorders and, perhaps the most important tool in my arsenal since the cable hi-hat, the Roland SPDS
My creativity shot though the roof and I can remember losing track of time at the rehearsal space
Unfortunately, two things were in sharp decline
1- My relationship with Sombra was starting to deteriorate
2- The amount of kinship I felt with my fellow musicians was almost non-existant

One of the assumptions that I had made when I decided to move back to Dallas was that I would be more successful on my home turf
I would go back to Dallas and put together something and then rub it in Autonomy’s face
I kinda did when the Von Ehrichs went through Minneapolis but it was hollow
My assumption is that Dallas was so full of musicians tht it was inevitable that I would find a crowd that was forward thinking
Well, that never happened
Other musicians were completely unconcerned with the directions I wanted to take and club owners couldn’t give a squirt of piss about my new concepts
That’s when I decided to say FUCK ALL ‘YALL and started to automate all of my music
If me and Sombra couldn’t find a third person then we would just replace him with a machine
Unfortunately, I would be forced to take looping and automation one step further because Sombra was having serious problems with reliability
Both in and outside of the rehearsal studio
I can’t tell you how many times I had scheduled a rehearsal, gone to pick him up for it after work, only to find him slowly sipping a beer and refusing to leave until he was done
45 min/1 hour later, I would finally get him to leave and head to the studio
Then, it would take him forever to get ready for practice
Even then, couldn’t seem to replicate his parts or even the patches on his effects processor
We would waste hours of time trying to figure out what he did last time
Many times, I was the only one who knew his parts and had to re-teach them to him every rehearsal

Laura and I continued to explore new territory with each other
No one else could get as close to me as she did
I allowed her access to every weakness, insecurity and flaw that I had built a wall around and she did the same
I have never grown more as a person than in those days
It wasn’t all candlelight and roses though
Her extreme emotional swings tested my patience to the limit but I couldn’t even consider breaking up with her
We had survived our first real test with my jobless period and it made us much more strong
The biggest lesson I was learning was that compromise did not always mean losing or giving up
All my life, I had ony thought of myself and compromise was for those who didn’t have the stamina to keep after the things they wanted
I started to see how I could make the situation better by making both of us happy
The petty shit didn’t matter when we were hugging up on the couch and truly blissful about our situation
This has to be one of the most adult concepts that I have ever learned
You are never going to get it all your way, so you might as well become good at getting the best balance that your situation can afford
My increasing dissatisfaction with my “real career” was starting to seep into the relationship and making me restless
And my unhappiness with life would be the wedge that eventually drove Laura and I apart

We decided to move to another apartment after we went month to month at our current place and the experience would turn out to be extremely unplesant
This unplesantry would not stop once we got dug into the new place
In fact, it would get worse

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