Disconnect

Originally posted Dec 13th 2007 at 11 am
One of the stronger emotions I encounter on a regular basis is the need to disconnect from the rest of the world
Things happen to frustrate or damage me and I just want to shut everyone out
I’m sure that everyone feels like this but my problem is that it happens quite frequently
My recent bout of drama has been particularly painful and it that withdrawl urge has been kicking in again
This lead me to listen to one of the most important albums in my collection
Gary Numan always seemed to tap into that emotion (or lack therof)
In an age where electronic artists were humans trying to sound like machines, Numan’s music seemed to assert the exact opposite
It wasn’t the precision robot-like music that Devo was performing (which FUCKING RULES!)
It was as if machines were trying to immitate humans
There was a soul inside that synthesiser and it felt trapped and isolated
The first time I heard Numan was in 1979
I was 11 years old at Skateland skating rink and bummed out because no girls would skate with me
Well, one was going to until she found out I was 11 (she was 13)
That’s when “Cars” came on
The music was so different from disco and it sure as hell wasn’t rock n’ roll
I hated disco an thought rock n’ roll was supposed to be guitars, bass and drums (I was a HUGE KISS freak)
The line “I feel safest of all, I can lock all my doors” didn’t really make sense to me like it did later but that song was about alienation

The album that really personified that feeling was the Tubeway Army album “Replicas”

Me! I Disconnect From You, Are Freinds Electric? and Down in the Park are all songs that conjured images of a person who, for unknown reasons, feels isolated from the rest of the world
Some have social anxiety
Some have been victimized and feel unsafe in the open
Some are misanthropes
Some, like me, felt grossly misunderstood and isolated
No matter what the reason, those songs identified with the person alone in a room, looking out the window at the rest of the world that didn’t seem to notice that person who felt completely alien from their peers

“Replicas” has always been one of my favorite albums for listening in the dark and completely alone
Last night was one of those times as I was laying in my bed and contemplating distancing myself from someone who has been very important to me but continues to cause pain
It’s not like I feel that I have no friends or that no one loves me
I just have conflicted emotions regarding someone who truly understands where I am coming from
Someone who has looked in my eyes and connected with me because we have had the same feeling
We have both felt detatched from our emotions so that we can survive even though we both have a deep emotional core that we feel needs to be protected from those who just don’t understand
It is hard to give up on someone like that beause I have encountered so few people with the same empathy

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