The Decade in Review part 16

We’re coming up on the last year of my story and I feel that I need to address an issue that has been brewing since I started this narrative
Since everything that I am discussing right now happened about a year ago, I am taking the risk of re-hashing things that most people have already read at the time it occurred
This time period is when I really started to use blogging as a tool for therapy, so there are tons of recent posts covering the events of the latter part of ’09
I know it is funny for me to ask you for your indulgence but I am almost done with the decade and I need to tie it all up

So it’s all set
I have enough money to make it to Minnesota, Diane has offered me the room for a couple of months and I am headed North again
I do the usual familiar goodbyes, pack at the space/organize my storage and go hang with mom in Keller for a couple of days before I head out

The trip up is un-eventful and I make it just fine
In fact, pretty much everything is un-eventful for the next couple of months
Here I am back in Minneapolis re-connecting with people and trying to re-establish myself in the musical landscape of the town
I find myself not getting any further than I did when I left
My new direction would be looking to connect with the noise musicians that I had met online when I was preparing to leave Dallas
I wasn’t too fond of the noise scenesters in Dallas but I was about to find out that Minneapolis has it’s fair share of douches

Serveral musicians from a collective in Mpls had been corresponding with me while I was in Dallas
I had told them of my plans to come up and start participating in their scene
They all seemed pretty positive and even invited me to one of their house parties
I got there, introduced myself to my contacts, watched some performances and then headed out to the deck for some fresh air
That’s when one of the people I had contacted was whispering to another guy and then walked over to me
The next 15 minutes was a mixture of hostile questions, pointed statements as well as a stream of pure nonsense
My bullshit detector was in the red and I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on
After turning to see the “other guy” it was established that it was his house so I turned to him, asked his name, introduced myself and then apologized for disrupting his party
I told him that I just realized I wasn’t welcome there so I left and went home

This was incredibly dis-heartening
I was hoping to find a kinship with these people because I saw a chance to evolve in a different way whilst offering a new perspective on their genre
However, I was met with the same paranoid hostility that I got from the douches back in Dallas
This caused me to fall back into the same hole I had tried to climb out of when I left Dallas
Only this time, I had been rejected by the rejects

There weren’t too many people left because now noise douches were X-ed out an in their own category
In retrospect, this is about the time where I started questioning if I was ever going to get any group of people (other than my friends) to pay attention to anything that I was doing

I had already contemplated physical death
Now I was comtemplating artistic death as well as the fallout from such a huge decision
I was tired and I was losing patience
And I was openly contemplating ending my efforts
An itch was developing to progress but a real life itch was about to drive me crazy
I would move into Marko’s and pay rent
I would finally get a job
But I would find myself with poison ivy, only I wouldn’t identify it for a month or two after I had made it worse

But I still had hope and continued to persevere


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