anxiety descending

This whole time leading up to the GZ performance on Friday has been very exciting
My way of coping with the negative anxiety was to work as much as I could on every detail of the performance
Although I have redundancy-ed the crap out of the show, I still have recurring anxieties about potential monkey wrenches
The first one is my computer

My Zune player just malfunctioned and I have surmised that it is the hard drive
I bought both the Zune and the laptop at the same time so…. 2+2=????
Having seen tons of bands and filmmakers tear their hair out while the audience waits for their computer to re-boot, I am plenty scared that this is going to happen to me

The other thing that scares me is that I will get confused and forget something in my programming
There are several moments when I am using multiple programs on my computer
The virtual DJ program has 2 layers to it as well (video and audio)
The worst thing I could do is wonder why a track isn’t playing when I forgot to raise the audio level 3 layers down

All I can do is keep at my rehearsals and make notes to tape onto the computer to remind me of the small things I might forget in each song

Lastly, all I have to do is think of the positive impact this gig will have on my life if it goes right
I have already let myself believe that some failiure is acceptable as the learning process
However, the spectre of a complete onstage meltdown hovers over my shoulder
And this will be no tiny gig at Underground in front of 10 people


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