The Rockula! update

The last few months have been developing very quickly for me and I have to make sure I take stock of things so that I can capitalize on my accomplishments as well as learn from my setbacks

The biggest news of all is that I have gotten medial insurance through the state of Minneasota
This has allowed me to see a dentist, a doctor and a therapist
All for $29 a month (plus $6 for certain visits)
This has relieved a deep seeded anxiety regarding my physical and mental health
A huge amount of built up pressure is streaming out of me
Especially important are the therapy sessions which are teaching me how to fix my own problems
This has resulted in an increased amount of self confidence, which, in turn, results in a huge boost in my drive

My job at orchestra hall almost made me want to quit because it was so disheartening
Getting ignored, hung up on and spoken to like a homelss person begging for change was incredibly taxing and made me really depressed.
Luckily, I realized that this job would become a valuable training excercise for dealing with the rest of my life.
All of the tenancity and keep-at-it skills that I have had to develop in order to become more successful at my job has filtered into my own personal business as well as my interpersonal dealings
I even learned to ignore someone whose very being offends me personally

Living in the #1 bike friendly city in the US during the summertime has allowed me to ride my bike pretty much anywhere I need to go
The obvious benefits are better health and stamina as well as less money spent on gas
With my new “figure a way to learn from it” attitude, I have also started to use bike riding as a way to sharpen my observational skills
I have always been able to predict things like traffic patterns and fuckassery in a potential driver but now I find myself mentally as well as physically sharpened up every time I ride
This has reulted in me “jonesing” for a bike ride when I get too stagnent
Man, it is gonna suck in the winter

My art is growing at a phenomenal rate due to the pressures that have been taken off of me by my new attitude
Not only have I removed several emotional barriers that limit my organizational skills but I am chipping away at my huge self esteem problem
My attempts to compensate for such low self esteem had traditionally manifested themselves in a snobbish superiority complex
This caused me to ignore any kind of new growth, instead, I fixated on the things that already made me special (that obviously were not getting me any farther than I had been in a long time)
The predjudices and value judgements that I would put on things that I identified as “the enemy” were just attempts to tear other people down rather than build myself up
Don’t get me wrong
I’m still a self-important know it all that despises most of the things I see happening in my own chosen profession
I’m just trting not to be so critical of other people’s tastes and preferences (and also not fooling myself that my poinion means jack shit to these people in the 1st place)
An additional attitude ajdustment has come in the form of compromise when it pertains to the application of my art
Old attitudes aout artistic integrety are changing to adapt to the new way the rest of the world is percieving art
I have realised I can still make amazing art with techniques that I used to regard as “cheating”
After making such adjustment, I came to the conclusion that i am getting better at other facets of my art, rather than things I am already good at
Plus, it doesn’t matter how you achieve it, the result will reflect the quality of your work
My newfound open mindedness has also affected my attitude towards the people in my buisiness that I would rather not deal with
My largest weakness is dealing with club owners/booking agents
I used to take it personally when they would ignore me and write me off
Now, I just approach it like a customer at work, schedule the next time I need to pursue them and then keep at it

Lastly, the culmination of all of my progress in my life has made me a more pleasant person to be around
People have been more receptive towards me lately
I find myself noticing others noticing me instead of figuring out how to avoid me
Especially girls
Not only that, but I am working on my resentment towards the vast amount of women who have ignored or rejected me in the past
I find myself enjoying their company much more rather than just trying to figure out how I am going to score with them (not that I have changed my personal relationship parameters)
This new attitude made it so much easier the other night when i ditched a really hot girl in a bar because she was being a cunt
Normally, I would have taken her shit based solely on the idea that I might be rewared later

Obviously, I have not completely fixed any of my problems
Nor do I think they will all be completely erradicated
The idea that things have already gotten a million times better keeps me moving forward
I still have lots of anxiety about slipping back into my old ways but the results are enough to encourage me

All I need to do is keep striving for new postitive results

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