self congratulatory assessment

I am not one to shy away from telling almost everything to the people who read my blogs but I try to make sure to keep some things to myself
I may tell you a story that makes my ex girlfriend cry when she reads it but then I can’t tell you things most would find trivial but I find very personal
Seeing a therapist has caused me to take my emotional well being very seriously and it has caused me to pay attention

Because of this newfound enthusisam for fixing myself, I have accomplished some goals that I knew I could and some I didn’t
I try not to be too self congratualtory but here’s what I have accomplished in the last 2 months after seeing a therapist:

-Confirmed gig at Ground Zero Aug 27th, one in the works for Zombie Pub Crawl
– New memeber of PyroPlasticFlow as well as mallet percussionist currently studying the material to form Tiki Torture

-Currently seeing a therapist, a dentist and a gen. practicioner (and taking all of them seriously)

– 2 months ahead on rent, $750 ahead of my bills, all entanglements with the city have been dismissed, and will have Mn DL as soon as my birth certificate arrives

-Currently #1 or #2 (depending on the day) of my sales job

-girls like me and I like what I see in the mirror

This is what I finally realized recently that I knew in the past and yet could not find the handle on was this statement I wrote a few nights ago so that I could read it to my therapist:

“The culmination of all the rejection and indifference I have recieved in my life has caused me to reject those people in kind
The more it happened, more people I would eliminate from my consideration
At the same time, i would lump people into groups so that I could conveniently dismiss all of them at the same time so it didn’t take as much effort to think about how I was thinking
This generalizing and elimination of people and types of people eventually came to a point where there were very few people left on the list
And those tended to be bitter alienated snobs like myself
We can’t trust each other either because we are too worried about someone encroaching on our self imposed sets of parameters
At least we have the satisfaction of having our integrity”

I am still full of lots of predjudices and fixed ideas and I believe a lot of them have merit
However justified, my attitude of superiority over these people has caused me to limit a vast majority of opportunitites
Who knows, maybe I will even start to like people again
Trust them again


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