Controllin’ the Shinin’

I don’t believe in Extra Sensory Perception in the terms that most people do
The ability to see into the future, read people’s minds etc…. is not really credible with me
But the thing I do believe in is a hightened perception
There are people with a gift for observation that can use their gift to succeed at politics and business as well as artistic and literary success
Hell, most guys that can pick up a girl in a bar have it
It is the ability to percieve the details of a certain thing, be it visual, aural or intellectual and exploit it

Myperception is what makes me uniqe and allows me to make such unique art
Unfortunately, it is also what fuels my anxiety and keeps me from succeeding
The ability to pick apart a subject into fragments can be a bad thing as well when it comes to your fears
Because it allows you to obsess over the tiniest details of possible failiure that most people just pause to reflect upon
For instance, my biggest flaw in my musical development is that I am a horrible booker
Most bands have no problem blanketing tons of clubs and networking with other bands togigs
Only to recieve deafening silence but getting right back at it
My constant rejection from both clubs and my fellow musicians has built up a resentment in my minds that “they just don’t get it”
Every time I see a cool bill that I could have been on, I ask myself “What happened to ‘Yeah Rockula, I’ll consider you when putting together a gig?'”
So, I retreat down to the basement and try to find mechanical ways to break a mental barrier

Today was the first time I took a step forward in finding ways to overcome those barriers by seeing a therapist
This was my first time so it was more of an evaluation than an actual session
It was confirmed that I have high levels of anxiety with medium levels of depression
In addition to the evaluation, I pitched my “mental mechanic” angle at her and she seemd to agree strongly that the best approach is to take sole responsibility in the actual fixin’ process and to use her as my authority on the subject that will hand me the propper tool and tell me which bolts to loosen/tighten

It is my intention to tighten up all the parts in my head that have come loose over my lifetime
For you computer nerds, I guess you could say I am about to do a giant defrag
The more I get shit together in my head, the more sucessful I will become
After all, the source of my anxiety is not weather I am good enough, it is weather I am good enough at convincing the rest of the world

I tried to find that Groundskeeper Willie video but could not


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